


My Hero

by Stupidseawitch



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky x Reader, Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:53:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28520460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stupidseawitch/pseuds/Stupidseawitch
Summary: Bucky is plagued by nightmares of all that he's done, he can't look anyone in the eye. You are determined to help him out.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Kudos: 48
Collections: Bucky x Reader One Shot Collection





	My Hero

“You’re a monster!” The woman screamed, as she crawled away from the masked man, dragging her injured foot and leaving a thick trail of blood. “Stay away from me!” She sobbed. The man approached slowly and with purpose, as though he knew she could never get away.

The woman dragged herself across the dark and empty street, screaming for help as the demon began to close in. Her screams were futile, she knew this, but a small part of her still hoped that someone would hear her and come rushing to her side, prepared to fight off the invincible creature that threatened her.

Unfortunately, no one did. 

Finally, she reached the other side of the street and attempted to stand using the emergency phone as a crutch, her adrenaline temporarily compensating for the loss of blood.

_ Bang! _

A shot rang out and the woman dropped back to the floor and screamed, the middle and ring fingers on her left hand had been shot clean off.“Please…” She begged, cradling her injured hand in her lap. Her last words came as a whisper as she grabbed the metal hand around the gun, smearing her blood onto her assailant’s hand, “ _ Please, don’t kill me _ .”

Bucky shot up with a gasp, covered in sweat. His eyes quickly scanned the room for any unknown persons as his chest heaved and his entire body shook. This was the third nightmare this week about his days in Hydra and it wasn’t getting any easier to cope with the guilt. Every time he looked down at his arm, he had to fight a fresh wave of guilt and nausea. It was even worse when he was in public, people constantly staring at him and his horrific arm.

Bucky buried his face in his hands and tried to forget the image of the sobbing woman. The woman  _ he _ killed. The cool metal on his face sickened him and he pulled it away, watching the metal strain as he squeezed his fist in frustration. Was there any way out of this personal hell?

He was absent for the next few days, sitting in his room and dwelling on these unending nightmares. He wasn’t eating, despite Steve’s begging, and he wasn’t sleeping in an attempt to avoid any fresh horrors his subconscious could bring up. He tried to put everything out of his mind, but he couldn’t get away from the biggest reminder of the worst thing in his life: his arm.

Every time he looked at it, he saw the looks people gave him once they realized who he was. People hid their children behind them as he approached, many people crossed the street to get even further away from him. 

The faces of all of his victims were constantly at the edge of his mind, he couldn’t get away from them.

Bucky’s mood was, at the very least, concerning. Everyone in the compound was worried about him and took turns going to his door and attempting to speak to him. It was only a matter of time before it spread to the rest of the compound. One by one, people began to separate from the group. They sat in their own rooms, only coming out when absolutely necessary.

“Not you too, Steve!” Y/N, the newest recruit, whined outside Steve’s bedroom door. She knocked again, frustrated and hoping that incessant knocking would bring him out of his room. “Steve!” 

To her surprise, it worked and Steve opened the door. He was dressed in a white t-shirt and sweats, his hair messy from sleep. “Y/N,” Steve grumbled in annoyance. “Go away.”

He began to close the door but Y/N was faster and jammed it with her foot. “Steve,” Her disappointed mom voice came out this time.

“ I know you want to fix everything, but sometimes it’s better to wait it out.” He spoke softly, exhaustion evident.

“Come  _ on, _ Steve,” Y/N said, looking him in the eyes, “Bucky needs you, you can’t give up. And we  _ both _ know that you don’t believe in ‘waiting it out.’” She mocked.

“I’m tired, Y/N.” Steve sighed and moved to close the door again.

“Wait!” She cried, not removing her foot.

The super soldier sighed and rubbed his eyes in exasperation before opening the door again. “Y/N, I know you really care about Bucky, but we can’t win every battle.” Y/N tried to interrupt him, but Steve gave her a warning glance and she shut her mouth. “Bucky has been doing this forever and I tried to help him, in the beginning, but it only made things worse. The only thing I can do is be here and ready to help when he needs it.”

“But, Steve-”

“Y/N.” Steve sounded like an angry parent scolding his misbehaving child.

“Fine.” She grumbled, turning around and walking towards Bucky’s room. “I’ll help him myself.”

Y/N’s confidence only got her so far. The door to Bucky’s room, specifically. Y/N talked big game, but, in reality, she was scared. Not  _ of _ Bucky but of being  _ with _ Bucky and being terribly awkward because she didn’t know what to say. She and Bucky were friends and she cared for him deeply, she’d heard the stories of Bucky and Cap. She knew his history and how much he struggled. But, it didn’t make her any less awkward when it came to comforting him. It hurt her to see him like this when he’d come so far and done so much good. He deserved to be happy and to feel loved, but she doubted he felt that way about himself.

Y/N had always felt an attachment to Bucky, from the moment they first met. It was nearly three in the morning on her first night here, when she heard a loud crash from the kitchen and ran to investigate only to find Bucky, crouched on the floor and trying to clean up a broken glass bowl.

She immediately offered to help and tried to find a broom and dustpan but quickly realized she had no idea where those things were. Bucky insisted that it was alright, but Y/N got on the floor with him and began to pick up the pieces of glass with her hands.

The Winter Soldier had quite the reputation outside the compound and Y/N had heard most stories. But, this man in front of her was awkward and shy and constantly checking to make sure she didn’t cut herself. It was this moment, when this huge, terrifying super soldier was crouched over the floor making weird jokes to relieve the tension in the air, that Y/N promised herself that she would stay close to Bucky. She didn’t know what would come of it, if they would become amazing friends, lovers, or just remain acquaintances, but she didn’t care. 

Even with her promise to help Bucky, Y/N still hesitated outside his room. The fact that she barely knew him--despite her promise, Bucky is a very hard person to get to know--and not even  _ Steve _ could get him out of his room weighed heavily on her mind as she lowered her hand once more. ‘ _ Why is this so hard?’ _

“I can hear you out there.” Bucky grumbled from somewhere behind the door.

Y/N’s pulse quickened and she mentally slapped herself for forgetting his super hearing. “Uh-” She took a breath to steady herself before starting again. “I came to talk to you. Can you let me in?”

Bucky didn’t respond to her question, which didn’t come as a surprise to her, but she refused to give up. Y/N stepped closer to the door and spoke again. “Bucky, I know you don’t want to come out, but please let me in. I might even be able to help,”

Once again, no response. But, this time, Y/N could hear some shuffling and her heart began to race. ‘ _ Did it work?’ _ She held her breath and stared at the door, waiting for something to happen.

Y/N listened carefully, hoping for some sort of sign that he had heard her out. Then, faintly, she heard it. “Come in.”

She was in shock, she hadn’t expected it to work. She didn’t even have a plan! What was she going to say? Y/N then realized that she had stood there for a bit too long after he invited her in. As she reached for the handle, she mentally chided herself for her repeated stupidity.

The contents of Bucky’s room surprised Y/N, to say the least. First and foremost, he had the same layout as she did, a large window, a king-sized bed that was attached to the middle of the left wall and faced the separate bathroom, two bedside tables, and a dresser against the wall with the entrance. A small sitting area with a loveseat and two armchairs sat between the bed and the bathroom entrance, the TV on the wall was the focus point of the room. Bucky also had two bookshelves on either side of the TV and a small desk under the window.

Besides the amazing similarities, Bucky’s room was a mess. Furniture was turned over, clothes were pulled from the dresser and thrown everywhere, books were laying haphazardly about. It looked as if he had been robbed.

When Y/N finally took in the contents of the room, she noticed Bucky sitting on the edge of the bed, facing her. He was hunched over, his elbows resting on his knees, his hands clasped in his lap. His shaggy hair fell in his face, but Y/N could see that he was staring at his hands. The white tank top he wore was stained and had gone  _ several _ days without being washed, his red plaid pajama bottoms, however, did not share the same amount of wear. As Y/N walked closer, she saw that his right arm was shaking and his left was gripping it in an unsuccessful attempt to keep it steady.

The thing that stood out to Y/N most wasn’t that his clothes were dirty or that his arm was shaking, but it was that Bucky looked, for lack of a better phrase, fucked up. Y/N had never seen Bucky this distraught and it was heartbreaking. Not quite knowing what to say, she sat on his left side, feeling the mattress dip underneath her weight.

Bucky said nothing, keeping his eyes on his hands. Y/N thought of a million different things to say, but nothing seemed good enough. Caught between wanting to say something and not wanting to make it worse, Y/N reached up and tried to put her hand on Bucky’s arm, but he stood and moved away.

“Don’t.” He said, facing his dresser. Y/N’s heart hurt hearing the pain in his voice. He sounded... _ scared _ .

“I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to.” She reassured, standing and walking slowly to where Bucky was. As she approached, she saw Bucky clench and unclench his metal fist, watching the components shift. 

_ ‘Oh.’ _ She felt like such an idiot, of  _ course _ this was about his arm.

“Bucky, do you want to hurt me?”

Bucky seemed taken aback by the question, his entire body went still, but he answered it nonetheless, still not looking at her. “No, I would never want to hurt you.” His voice weak from his exhaustion.

Y/N moved to stand next to Bucky now, her eyes on his icy blue ones.“Then why are you scared of hurting me?” She spoke softly, leaning forward to see his face better.

Finally, he looked at her. The bags under his eyes had never been so defined, his eyes full of sadness and frustration. “You don’t know what I’ve done.” He whispered, looking back down at his arm, “What they’ve made me do.”

“Bucky…”

“Hydra has done terrible things to me. They’ve made me do terrible things.” His eyes rested on Y/N’s face, but it was obvious that he was looking through her.

“Those things weren’t you, Bucky. You know that.” Y/N put her hand on his shoulder and, this time, he didn’t move away.

“This arm,” Bucky brought his left arm up and moved his fingers, the metal bending and moving with every move. “it serves as a constant reminder of what I did.” His voice shook as he stared in disgust at his metal arm.

“Bucky,” Y/N began, taking his left hand and holding it tightly in both of hers. “You are more than what Hydra made you do. You’ve done so much good since then. You’ve saved so many lives, you-” She cut herself off, trying to think of a way to say how she felt without overwhelming Bucky. “You can’t  _ only  _ think of the bad. With this arm,” She squeezed his hand. “You’ve saved more people than me and Nat  _ combined. _ ”

Bucky looked away from Y/N’s kind eyes, knowing in his heart that he didn’t deserve his praise.

“I could go on an on about how much good you’ve done, but I know it wouldn’t make a difference.” Y/N admitted, seeing Bucky’s pained expression. “But there’s someone I think you should meet.”

“Who?” Bucky asked flatly, defeat in his voice. It would be a struggle to get him out of his  _ room _ let alone the compound.

“Just trust me.” Y/N smiled and began to walk away. “Change into something nicer, I’ll be back in fifteen minutes.”

As he watch Y/N exit his room, a smile on her lips, Bucky thought about how much he didn’t want to leave the confines of his room. He didn’t think he was stable enough to be around anyone and he didn’t want to have to deal with the stares from strangers on the street. 

True to her word, Y/N arrived at Bucky’s room fifteen minutes later, dressed in dark jeans and a blue shirt with Steve’s shield on it. “You ready?” She asked, a small smile on her face when she saw that Bucky had changed out of his gross tank top and pajama pants and into blue jeans and a black tee-shirt. He had a blue jacket slung over his arm and he sighed but nodded, slightly annoyed that she was taking him out.

Y/N had chosen a small, popular car so they didn’t attract too much attention as they drove to her mystery location. Bucky didn’t talk the entire time they drove, choosing to stare out the window, watching the buildings speed past as Y/N drove them further inside the city.

The dread sank in quickly and, before he knew it, Bucky was lost in his own toxic thoughts. He scolded himself for forgetting his hat when he knew that people would recognize him without it. The past week had been terrible to Bucky, when he slept, he had nightmares. If he stayed awake, he would be left alone with his thoughts until he broke down. Of course, he had to be at least a  _ little _ better because he agreed to leave the house. At least, that’s what he hoped.

Bucky was pulled out of his thoughts when Y/N began to pull the car into a parking garage. “Where are we?” He asked her, looking around for anything that could give him any sort of clue as to where he was.

“Patterson’s Pediatrics.” Y/N answered as she casually pulled into a visitor’s parking space.

“In Brooklyn?” Bucky wondered. This hospital was very familiar to Bucky, having been there many times as a child with Steve.

“Yep.” Y/N opened the door and stepped out, grabbing a small teddy bear dressed in Steve’s old costume from the trunk before jerking her head towards the entrance.

Neither of them spoke while they walked and Bucky noted the differences in the design of the hospital. It was much brighter than it used to be, much cleaner, too. The basic feeling of the building stayed the same and he was able to recognize some places, happy memories from a different time floated around in his head. When they finally reached reception, Bucky decided to hang back and let Y/N handle it while he inconspicuously looked at a magazine less than three inches away from his face. 

It seemed like no time had passed at all when his magazine was lowered and Y/N’s look of amusement entered his field of vision. He grumbled an excuse about wanting to know more about the royal wedding and stood, ignoring Y/N’s giggle at his ridiculousness.

Bucky hated hospitals. He always had. If not only because of all the problems Steve had as a kid, then because of the fact that he’d put more people in them than he cared to admit. And not all of them were guilty of something. Some poor bastards just had the misfortune of being in the wrong place at the wrong time and Bucky couldn’t save them in time. Being in here was a struggle, part of him was grateful for the chance to remember more about his history with Steve, but most of him was overwhelmed with the feeling of death and despair.

Bucky almost ran straight into Y/N when she stopped outside a private room suddenly. He crooked an eyebrow when she turned to face him, silently asking her what the hell was happening.

“I know this is hard for you.” She said quietly, grabbing his metal hand in her flesh one. “But, I promise it’s worth it.” She handed the Captain America bear to him and turned to the door, her hand still gripping his tightly. She slowly opened the door, peeking around to see whether or not she should enter, calling out softly so she wouldn’t wake whoever was inside, just incase.

“Auntie Y/N!” A small voice yelled from inside the room and Y/N’s mouth split into a wide grin as she pushed the door open entirely, running to the hospital bed in the middle of the room and enveloping the child in a tight hug.

“Rosie!” Y/N finally separated from the hug to look at the girl. “How are you, babe?”

“I’m great!” Rosie enthusiastically responded. “Look, I lost my first molar!” Rosie tried to say as she stretched her mouth as far as she could so Y/N could see.

“That’s pretty impressive. I bet the tooth fairy will give you a  _ full dollar _ for that one.”

“Aunt Y/N, you  _ know _ I know the tooth fairy isn’t real.” The girl gave Y/N a light glare, but her eyes were full of love and happiness.

“Don’t let her hear you saying that or she’ll tell Santa that you’ve been naughty.”

“She’s not friends with Santa!”

Bucky stood in the doorway awkwardly as the two girl argued back and forth about whether or not the tooth fairy was, indeed, friends with Santa and if she would rat on the little girl named Rosie. He was wondering why she even brought him here when both girls turned and stared at him from the bed. Rosie’s eyes were full of curiosity, Y/N’s full of kindness as she beckoned him closer.

As Bucky neared the bed, Rosie’s eyes widened and her jaw dropped, but Y/N put a hand on her shoulder, silently telling her to settle down. “Rosie, this is Bucky. He brought you something.” Y/N smiled as Bucky awkwardly held out the Captain America bear to the little girl that had yet to stop staring at him.

“You’re the Winter Soldier!” She screamed with excitement, barely recognizing that the man in front of her was trying to give her something.

Bucky’s breath was caught in his throat, he hated that name, he hated being recognized, he wasn’t a hero, not like Steve was. So why did this little girl sound so excited to see him? Before he could think of an appropriate response, Y/N stepped in, “Yes, he is, but he goes by  _ Bucky _ .”

Rosie’s face suddenly flushed red and she grabbed Y/N’s sleeve, pulling her down to whisper in her ear. Of course, children have always been awful whisperers so Bucky heard what she said. “Can I show him my star?”

Y/N smiled when Rosie pulled away and nodded. Rosie immediately hopped out of the bed and ran to shut the door, putting both of her hands on it and pushing as hard as she could until it closed. Bucky locked eyes with Y/N, but she just chuckled and mouthed “It’s okay,”

Rosie came sprinting back and grabbed Bucky’s flesh hand, tugging him down to her level. He glanced at Y/N once more but knelt in front of the girl without seeing Y/N’s reaction. He didn’t really need to see it anyway, he could hear her soft giggles. When Bucky was on eye level with Rosie, she whispered, “Want to see my arm?”

Not entirely sure what to say, Bucky stammered out “Uh--sure,” before Rose turned so her left shoulder was facing Bucky and rolled up the sleeve to her gown, revealing a red star drawn in marker. Bucky realized, for the first time, that most of her left arm was completely gone.

“You’re my hero.” She whispered, smiling at the mess of a man before her.

A pang of sadness shot through Bucky at that and he found himself asking, “Why?” before he could stop himself. Surely other people were more deserving of that grand title. More deserving of the complete adoration from this adorable little girl.

“Because you’re like me!” She said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. “You’re just like me and you’re the coolest hero I’ve ever seen.” She smiled and added in a whisper, “That means I can be a hero too.”

Bucky’s heart filled at this sentiment. He thought for sure he would end up crying from joy and embarrassing himself in front of this child who thought the world of him. “You’re already my hero, Rosie.” He smiled and Rosie launched herself into his arms, squeezing as tight as she could but not affecting Bucky at all.

Eventually, he put Rosie back in her bed and they end up talking for hours. Rosie asked him lots of questions about the “coolest missions he’s ever been on” and what it feels like to be a hero. He usually hated questions, but Rosie’s enthusiasm was so genuine and pure that he had no problem answering any of hers.

Bucky could have stayed there forever with this little girl, this little ray of sunshine that chose  _ him _ to be her hero, but, after a few hours, Y/N informed him that it was time to leave. Rosie looked heart broken, but she perked up again when he promised that he would come back.

The walk back to the car was filled with the silence, but the energy was different than before. No longer was Bucky brooding and depressed. Of course, it would be a while before he associated his arm with anything but his wrongdoings, but that little girl helped more than she would ever know. As they rounded the corner to the parking structure, Bucky finally gather the courage to speak. “Thanks, Y/N.”

Y/N interlaced her fingers with his and smiled, squeezing his hand. “I hope you know that you’re never getting out of that promise to come back.”

Bucky laughed and pulled Y/N closer so their arms were touching. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”


End file.
